Dear Citizens of the World.
This is Human Civilization and Decency, and after 2011, I am unhappy to inform you that I am most unhappy and displeased with both your attitude towards me and your general behaviour in regards to our relationship.
Now, I understand that as a society, your average IQ has been decreasing drastically over the years, and will continue to do so, thanks to day time TV, Jersey Shore, Google, and MTV.
So, I shouldn’t be too hard on you I guess. With IQ falling exponentially with a rising population, this means that more and more people are falling into the below average category. So, like a special needs individual, a lot of leeway should be granted.
But, people! At least try to be intelligent! I realize that being intelligent, and making choices which aren’t dictated by Lil Wayne or the Simpsons may be difficult, but let’s work together on this. I really really really want to see a better society, and a more intelligent world population in 2012. To accomplish this I have suggested a few New Years Resolutions which you can make. Just try some. Believe me, I will be happy if you even take one on board, as that will limit the assault on the existence of sense and decency.
Resolution 1 – I Will Get My News from Different Sources
While the news was once the highlight of an evening, with families crowding around at 6pm to hear about the goings on in the world, news today has been replaced with a mindless ballyhoo of shoddy reporting of issues which can be broken down into four categories:
2. celebrities and Entertainment
3. Shock and Awe Reporting
4. Filler Stories
Instead of getting the news straight from whatever usual outlet you use, why not actually subscribe to some feeds from other news agencies? Take Al Jazeera, Russia Today, CNN along with your Australian news. It is easy to subscribe to feeds from these, and the top stories can be emailed directly to your inbox every day. It won’t take more than 10 minutes a day to skim the top stories, and you will have a much better understanding of current events and world stories.
Cut down on the sports news, and if you can, cut down completely on gossip, celebrity, and entertainment news. We are trying to raise your IQ here, remember?
Pro Tip: Following This Will Not Raise Your IQ
Also, keep in mind that reading political blogs (such as this one!), statements by special interest groups, and so called “grassroots news” outlets may be fascinating and will most likely provide your mind with stimulating fare, however they are most often biased and there to report only one side for whatever point the author is trying to score.
Which brings me onto my next point:
Resolution 2 – “There Is No Free Lunch and I will stop expecting one”
You would think after thousands of years of civilization, humanity would realize that nothing is free in the world, nothing is what it seems, and things “too good to be true” are prefaced with this prefix for a reason.
And yet, day by day, we are offered fantastic prizes, opportunities, and wins that we have done nothing whatsoever to deserve, but which have fallen into our lap by a stroke of fortune. Spend 1/2 an hour on the internet, and you will most likely be offered free iPads, free money, free phones, free horoscopes, or free job offers.
A quick look through my email spam inbox gives me offers for the following:
1. Discount Canadian Medication
2. “Opportunities to Win Huge Payouts” at Club VIP Gambling
3. A “Well Paid Job” of $51,000 a year from a guy with a .yahoo.com email address
4. A Free Dell Laptop
5. A Free Subway Sandwich
Now, with the exception of possibly the free sandwich, I highly doubt that any of the above offers are going to come true for me. Even the free sandwich would require me to sign up for spam email, possibly download 6 viruses onto my computer, fill out 20 forms about insane topics, and then in the fine print inform me that the free sandwich is 6 inches, has no toppings, and has been on the floor for most of the day.
In 2012, remember that there is no Prince wanting to give you piles of money, no company willing to give you free stuff when you download their favourite spyware, no handsome partner who will fly into your arms if you send him or her $20,000 in cash, and no start up company willing to offer you a job sight unseen for big money.
Point is, scammers play on people’s emotions, their greed, their fear of missing out, their natural trust of other human beings. Don’t keep falling for these society!
Also on the topic of a free lunch, don’t expect one from life either. Our friends at Occupy Wall Street may make as much noise as possible, but the fact still remains that if you want something : money, skills, popularity, even a higher IQ, you have to work at it. Life won’t hand it to you for free.
This New Year, your resolution should include a clause where you promise to stop expecting a free ride and also a promise to refrain from complaining when you do not get one.
Resolution 3 – “I Will Ignore Idiots”
Remember when idiot behaviour used to be politely ignored and the idiot was either quietly reprimanded or publicly condemned, depending on the scale of the idiocy? Lately, it appears as if the idiot is the new “Homo Novus”, the next stage of human development. Now, the idiot can get massive public interest in his actions. He or she can get a book deal, TV show, prime time TV, and even public support for their stupidity. Even if most of society points at the idiot and loudly condemns them, they keep coming back for more of the same.
The idiot doesn’t care about being condemned. He knows that enough people will support him, and that this support will generate enough public debate that his name will be famous, even for a short time. Thus, his objective has been achieved. The idiot has been noticed, and all the rest of the world is a little bit stupider from paying attention.
From Charlie Sheen to Corey Worthington, idiots get the limelight. Our entertainment is becoming idiotic, our advertisements are idiotic, our politicians are idiotic, and why not? As a society, this is the new “X Factor”.
Forget about a time when the guy who invented electricity was revered. Forget about a time when a woman who devoted her life to helping the poor and the sick was seen as a national treasure. Now, the true champions of our society are different. It is the young rebellious teenager who throws a house party that ends in riot police intervention. It is the retarded individual who goes on national TV with a reality show that follows their life of insanity. It is the celebrity who experiences a drug fueled meltdown and captivates an entire world while thousands are dying on the other side of it in Japan.
This publicity seeking display of idiotic behaviour has gone viral, with everybody seeking a piece of it. From YouTube “stars” to Occupy Wall Street Protesters, idiotic behaviour has never had a better audience.
Here is a hint. Maybe the real idiots are us? Maybe they are the people who watch idiotic behaviour, either condemn or condone it, but keep on coming eagerly back to see more. And like a good capitalist producer, society keeps on handing us what we crave.
Stop this. Stop paying attention to retarded anything. Don’t follow idiots, don’t talk about them with friends, don’t hang out to see what level of insanity they will reach. Ignore them. If idiots were ignored, pretty soon they will wake up and realise that nobody cares.
Resolution 4 – “I Will Think Before I Vote”
If you hear people complaining bitterly about those in power, ask them two questions.
1. “Did you vote in the last election?” If not, please don’t talk about this, you don’t have the right to have an opinion on something you decided to have no say in when you could have.
2. “Second, if you did vote, can you tell me in less than a minute why you voted the way you did”? If you can’t, again, you don’t have a right to talk here.
While the idea of democracy may be tarnished, the fact remains that people, at least in Australia, vote in and tolerate a leader. It is the people’s choice, when they go to the polling booth, to vote a certain way. Forget about those who didn’t vote, they didn’t have a say in the election of a leader, and thus don’t have a real say in criticizing the sitting government.
Selecting a leader should be a process of intelligent thought and decision. Leaders should be elected on the basis of past performance and the integrity of their current policies, rather than the will of stupid people. However, we don’t live in such a world. We live in a world where a debate between opposing political leaders, one of whom will guide the country through some of the most turbulent times in history, must be rescheduled so that people can watch a celebrity cooking show. Enough said.
I Mean More to You Than Your Political Future!
Here is a crazy idea. Maybe you should put some thought into who you vote for? I am not telling you who to vote for, or even who the best political leader is. However, your decision in this regard should be one made intelligently. Think about it…
Resolution 5 – “I Will Watch Less TV”
TV Will not make you intelligent. TV is not intelligent, and is not likely to be soon. Television is interested in ratings and getting you parked in front of it for the longest amount of time. And surprisingly, the thing which gets people parked in front of the TV the longest is also the most retarded.
What were the most popular ratings in Australia for 2011?
1. The Block – 3.4 million
2. Australia’s Got Talent – 2.98 million
3. Underbelly Razor – 2.79 million
4. Masterchef – 2.75 million
5. 2011 Melbourne Cup – 2.67 million
6. 2011 AFL Grand Final – 2.64 million
7. Two and a Half Men – 2.52 million
8. State of Origin – 2.49 million
Now, I will not comment on any of the above, but I ask those who have watched them, which of these are increasing your intelligence and providing new information to improve your mind? Out of the whole list, the majority of Australians were watching reality TV shows, gameshows, sports, and badly made sitcoms.
TV is made for stupid people. Like a baby’s rattle, it is a simple combination of light and noise to steal people’s attention and prevent them crying.
The baby is the one actually learning here.
Now, I am not saying to throw away the TV, or that sitting in front of it decreases your IQ exponentially. It’s a question of what you are watching and how long you spend there. In 2012, why don’t you watching something intelligent? Maybe the news? (Remembering Resolution 1). Or the Discovery Channel? Something that will teach you something.If you watch TV, watch TV intelligently
And if you get your entertainment predominantly from the Simpsons, Jersey Shore, MTV, Two and a Half Men, or any style of retarded reality TV show, please stop reading. Sorry to say, you’re too far gone – I think that Gordon Ramsey is about to swear at some water, you had better go and watch…
Now, I apologise if I have come across as being sarcastic in my rant. But I beg of you, please think about your actions in 2012. Try and act intelligently, or failing that, please stop acting stupidly. It will make me, society and decency, and all your fellow humanity breathe easier.
That is all…..Happy New Year……oh what? New Year? Great! Ok, you get a pass for the first 6 hours of 2012, as I know you are all going to do stupid things anyway. But from January 2nd, please think about this!